Coupon Screwpon

I hate coupons.

According to Wikipedia, coupons were invented in the late 19th century by a partner of the Coca-Cola Company, Asa Candler, who deserves a special niche in Purgatory next to the inventor of the game Marco Polo. These two saboteurs of civilization deserve to listen to each other throughout eternity: Marco! BOGO! Markdown! POLO! Coca! COLA!

Thanks to Candler, the potential of coupon clipping makes life a whole lot more demoralizing, since there are so many ways you can screw up a process that's supposed to save you money.

First, you have to clip them, which involves ransacking the house for a pair of scissors. Then they have to make it into your purse, which means you have to take something out, like 2,000 coupons that expired last century.

Look, I already have several coupon organizers stocked with coupons I never redeem but always carry around anyway unless I need to use them in which case I've left them at home .....

... So if I actually successfully enter the store with coupons, there's still a 50-50 chance I will either lose them or forget to give them to the cashier. Then, rather than schlepping back to the customer service counter at the store, I stew all week about the time and money I COULD have saved.

It's dispiriting. It's maddening!


It seems to me couponing discriminates against the disorganized and distracted. Why should the world of discounts be closed to the Mrs. Jellybys of the planet? I must write a letter .....

Another thing: Why do they give out coupons when you Leave The Store? Who wants to carry around tapeworms of coupons with their ticking expiration dates which you won't need for at least another week (or the day after they expire) -- because you have Just Finished Shopping? It seems to me that manufacturers and stores should make coupons available when you Arrive At The Store, right?

Upon reflection, Ima pre-emptively condemn the inventor of that little coupon-spitting machine at the check-out to join Candler and the Marco Polo inventor in the deep end of Purgatory Pool.

 

Extreme Couponers? Fuggedabodit! Their only reason for existence is to make me feel inferior. Sure, I don't begrudge them the hours spent searching for scissors or the days roaming the grocery aisles for deals. They are welcome to that.

What I do begrudge is when the shelves are empty of the only item I have a coupon for. Also, standing in line for 20 minutes behind the person who cleared the shelves of the only item I have a coupon for. Honestly, extreme couponers should have a dedicated check-out line so they can all experience the, er, experience of waiting for 100 cans of cat food to be scanned and discounted.

Meow!


Ok, if the only way you can make ends meet is by extreme couponing, then you gotta do whatcha gotta do regardless of how annoying it is to me.

Just try not to wear that smirk of self-righteousness. It crowds my sneer of entitlement which is actually masking my feelings of failure.

That could be dangerous ......














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