Pop-Up to the Post Office

No, I'm Not Stuck on the word 'post' even though it's been in several of my headlines lately. Instead, this is an open apology to all my friends and family members whose birthdays I've failed to acknowledge with cards.

Look, when I was younger I used to hand-make and send pop-up cards. Ever make a pop-up hamster? ... Ok, but have you ever made eight of them?? It takes patience and dedication, which I apparently lack these days. Nowadays, I buy cards at the store -- and then never send them.

I currently have four Happy Birthdays and a Get Well Soon pending in my special Card Organizer. This wooden file box, which I snagged at a deep discount probably because it's painted shades of purple, green, and yellow slime, is sitting right next to the stamps and address book. The town post office, furthermore, is no more further than two miles away.

Meanwhile, the birthdays have come and gone and the sick friend has long recovered and will no doubt be de-friending me any day now.

So what is my problem?



... After a few days of postulating, I've isolated some theories for Why I Hate Going To The Post Office:

1. I suffer from a disease called Post Office Phobia(c) (POP) which I have discovered, named, trademarked, copyrighted and may be acknowledged for some day if posthumously.

2. The incredibly life-like robots that work there creep me out.

3. Something having to do with making and mailing eight pop-up hamster invitations.

4. Standing on line is sooo boring.

5. Bad feng shui

6. I buy dull cards and therefore have no incentive to mail them.



Ok, I've decided No. 6 is the only thing I can change to increase the anticipation of a post office run without therapy or firearms. So I've officially ramped up my card-giving skills. In fact, the coolest kid I know is about to receive a (belated) pop-up Halloween card. I'm almost as excited to mail it as I am to make it ....

... Here are some tips if you wish to make pop-ups:

1. Get a book; Joan Irvine wrote some good ones, including 'How to Make Pop-Ups' and the sequel, 'How To Make Super Pop-Ups.' Even you can follow her directions.

2. Be sure to wipe your work surface clean before you start. I use my sleeve.

3. When you are making one, make two. If you screw or smear one up, you still have another. Or you could send the extra one to the second-coolest kid you know. The kid will think you think they're the top cool kid and your credibility will rise. Or if you don't know two cool kids you could save it as a template for next year and in the meantime try to meet another cool kid.


So anyway, please excuse me while I finish these two pop-up skeletons. The post office closes in 10 minutes .....

Happy Halloween!



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IAC(c)'s Sixth-Month Anniversary Gala Post and New Look May Be Postponed

The sixth-month anniversary of It's all (c)opyrighted is fast approaching and I haven't even started planning the celebration. I haven't picked a theme or color palette let alone a type font for the invitations. I haven't even decided what the invitations are for. So maybe I can cross them off the list that I haven't created yet. Whew! Starting to get stressed out; gotta simplify.

This shouldn't be hard for a person who could give a seminar on procrastination if I ever got around to it. Personally I believe procrastination is way underrated. One solid advantage of procrastinating is it simplifies by narrowing your choices. In fact, if you procrastinate long enough, you hardly need to make any decisions at all ....

Which isn't a bad segue for what's really on my mind: whether or not to monetize the blog. I'm not totally clear on how that works but suspect that once I click on Agree I will get a check for $10 every year in exchange for a Viagra ad Right Here.

Look, I have nothing against Viagra users as long as they are eyeballing my blog and not me. Sure, I could even try to increase readership and thereby earnings by salting the headlines with some key words like sex, porn, and ... well, sex and porn -- but I'm not desperate.

I'm mainly thinking of my readers and page aesthetics. Blinking little blue pills hopping around smack dab in the middle of a post might be distracting not to mention clashing with the green border.

Isn't that MY job?? (The distracting part.) Do I really need to pile another distraction onto the main one on the off-chance it will yield me a fistful of cash?


On the other hand I have a secret dread of suddenly becoming the flavor-of-the-day blog darling of some faraway country like China or India where there are billions of eyeballs and over half that many people. A random blog could go viral overnight and die a swift, splattery death as it slams into some final firewall before I even wake up. If I'm not monetized I will miss out on making my once-in-a-blogtime financial killing. I would truly regret that -- even though I can see the irony of a Viagra ad on a blog sensation in countries with a population growth problem.



Alternatively, maybe I could buy ads for 'It's all (c)opyrighted' for placement on Viagra's home page ....

I should probably look into this further before committing to a decision, which brings us back to the subject of procrastination ....

Anyway, consider yourselves forewarned: Don't be surprised to open up IAC(c) one day several weeks, months or years from now and see a new, commercial but not necessarily improved look. If so, I'd appreciate if you would pass along a link to all of your friends in China and India. Hopefully by the time it reaches Asia, IAC(c) will also have picked up an ad from Trojan ....













Pass it along and remember, It's all (c)opyrighted(c)2011(c)(c)

Final Postscript

And another thing: Why don't we have a Massasoit Day??


Memo to Occupy Wall St.: Please add the above to the list of your demands. Maybe a few more statues too. A museum, some major parks, stadium, airport, university,  car model ....












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Boston Post Road Post Postscript

One final thought: When Columbus showed up in San Salvador he called the natives Indians, right?  Surely he had studied Indian maps, culture, language and engravings to get an idea of what he was looking for before setting sail, right?

Don't you think maybe at some point he suspected something was up?


Just wondering .....









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Boston Post Road Post

The Lily Pond, popular with turtles and purple pitcher plants (on island).

I don't really want to write this entry. Instead, I want to skip right to the Boston Post Road Post Postscript ....

However, I will try to come up with something amusing along the way .... Last Columbus Day we visited Plymouth Rock for the first time. We became acutely aware of how long Massasoit had been missing from our annual Thanksgiving List of Things We Are Thankful For. Last year, he placed fourth, behind Health, Family and U.S. Citizenship. Perhaps this year we should move him up to third place, since if it hadn't been for him, we might not be enjoying No. 4 ....

This holiday weekend the Northeast has been experiencing Summer's last bounce: temps reaching the 80s, with a breeze reminiscent of vacations at the shore. Add a horizon of turning leaves and things start to get confusing -- as though we've caught Mother Nature changing her clothes ....

... So we motored down the Boston Post Road for 20 miles, past Longfellow's Wayside Inn, which was a source of inspiration for the great poet when he visited it in 1862 while it was called the How Tavern. Beyond the inn, the post road forked, leading us to the Garden In The Woods, a 45-acre park highlighting native plants.

These grounds, part of The New England Wild Flower Society, offered much relief and validation to my landscaping efforts since I can now stop calling several species weeds and instead refer to them as wildflowers. I learned we have several types of asters on our property which sounds very classy compared to the wort weed choking them.

Another highlight of the day was the icy-cold can of San Pellegrino Limonata for sale in the gift shop. This stuff is the best liquid ever made by humans! If I were Ponce de Leon wandering through Florida (or Massachusetts) and found a fountain of San Pellegrino Limonata, I'd be saying, Ok this is close enough!

So anyway I highly recommend a visit to this charming and peaceful plot of woodlands. It worked for Longfellow ....

  '... Gorgeous flowerets in the sunlight shining,
  Blossoms flaunting in the eye of day,
  Tremulous leaves, with soft and silver lining,
  Buds that open only to decay ....



Here's a link:
www.newenglandwild.org


Here's a link to Longfellow's Wayside Inn:

www.wayside.org


Ok, I believe I have achieved my goal here and will now press on to Boston Post Road Post Postscript territory and beyond, which I've tentatively titled The Post-Boston Post Road Post Postscript Post ....









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Overheard in Line at the Craft Store

CLERK: Did you find everything you were looking for?

CUSTOMER: No, the item was out of stock. However, I'll take one of these Lindor chocolates here.

CLERK: That will be 49 cents.

CUSTOMER: I have a 50-percent-off coupon.

CLERK: That will be 25 cents.

CUSTOMER: Can you break a $100 bill?

CLERK: Sorry, store policy is $50 bills maximum.

CUSTOMER: How about a credit card?

CLERK: Minimum purchase is $10. Would you like to buy something else?

CUSTOMER: Will you take a check?

CLERK: I need two forms of ID.

CUSTOMER: Here you are.

CLERK: I'm sorry, but one of them has to have your picture on them.

CUSTOMER: Wait. [counting pennies from the penny tray]  ... 1 ... 2 ... 3 ... 4 ..........

FOUR CUSTOMERS STANDING BEHIND: I have a quarter!

CLERK: Here's your receipt. Have a nice day!

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