Top 9 Things I Am Thankful For in 2013

It's that time of year again: Time for the list of Top 9 Things I Am Thankful For in 2013.

Did I forget to send the memo? SOR-ry! Due to inflation, etc., the Top 10 List has been replaced by the Top 9 List. Really, it's new! and improved! more efficient! Concentrated! Guaranteed Less Sap Than the Leading Brand! It's copyrighted too! You will love it!



                                         Top 9 Things I Am Thankful For in 2013

9. I am thankful that no giant asteroid obliterated earth. Whew! We've had some close calls this year, right? I am also thankful I'm not an astronaut or even a mission specialist. The Rocket Scientist and I saw the movie 'Gravity' in 3D and it was extraordinary. Now I feel I should wake up grateful every morning that nothing earth shattering has occurred above us. Meanwhile, gonna cross Space Travel off my *uck It List.

8.  My shingles haven't recurred. They disappeared months ago, leaving only an asymmetrical mark on my ankle which can predict the weather like one of those fuzzy desktop calendar cards that turns pink or blue (or, in my case, faded pink or purple).

7.  The Rocket Scientist was able to reopen the three windows I had painted shut. Look, I'm beginning to understand the importance of an escape hatch.

6.  Everyone in the family remains employed (except me). You may wonder whether I'm thankful about being the exception. In fact, Comment removed due to low rating.

5.  One word: Stability. I'm glad we saw some positive stability on some fronts this year. For example, everything inside my mouth has stayed stable. No emergency dental needs, bad sore throats, foot stuck, etc. Also, all our vehicles remain intact, and nothing on the property fell down.

4.  My health insurance will reimburse up to 50% annually for a dental implant starting in 2014. You may recall that some time ago I lost Tooth No. 18; I am now ready to proceed with a replacement. I am also making progress persuading my dentist to run a special on implants.

3.  I got my car back! The only downside is that it no longer serves as a handy excuse: 'I can't, I don't have a car. SOR-ry!'

2.  My hair stylist wasn't fired. He was a no-show a few months ago which was worrisome because the last time he changed salons it took me six months and two $20 bribes to find out where he landed.


And the No. 1 thing I am thankful for this year is:

1.  My dryer stopped making terrible shrieking sounds.  I bet we were only a few loads away from being stormed by PETA. Alas the repairman said it was beyond help -- but it's still drying our clothes, and that's what counts.





Meanwhile, I'm counting on all of you to discover what really counts this holiday season blah blah blah I promised no sap, Ok?


















Pass it along and remember, It's all (c)opyrighted (c)2013(c)(c)

Draft Resume

                                                             Patricia Ringer Gasdaska


Employment Objective: Editorial work making fun of news or other things (but never you)


Skills Summary

Decades of writing, editing, paginating, proofreading, and showing up almost on time. Rare newsroom primary math skills; experienced birthday cake baker.


Experience (most recent first)

Blogger, ‘It’s all (c)opyrighted’ --  The Rocket Scientist and I trying to keep all systems nominal as we endeavor to launch our college-age kids. prgasdaska.blogspot.com, where you'll find plenty more bad puns. 


Editor, The Chronicle Independent Digest Nation ('The Chronic Indigestion')
   
    Reported, photographed, edited, typeset, proofread, sold ads and subscriptions, paginated, printed, and delivered county daily newspaper
    Reorganized photo archives of county residents
    Set up side extortion business involving photos of county residents
    Organized after-hours 'hot tub' parties in sink of printers bathroom

  
Substitute Teacher, Shrewsbury, Mass.

     Signed record number of hall passes
     Created food fight betting pool
     Promoted to Head Lifeguard of betting pool


Project Publications Editor, The Robin U. Nicholas Group

     Successfully dressed for success
     Secured reference for future jobs
     
   

Awards

Voted Self-Server of the Month at local gas station.


Education

B.S., The Pennsylvania State University, State College, Pa. Senior thesis titled, 'Rubrics, Matrices, or Spreadsheets: How to Choose a Title for Your Senior Thesis.''

M.S., Simmons College, Boston, Mass. Thesis: Original one-act play titled, 'If All My Friends Are Weird Then What Does That Make Me?'



References

References and samples will be furnished for a handling fee.







--- Look, this is only a draft of highlights. Ideally I'd like to incorporate my volunteering experience, which includes participation in many home rocket science experiments and sponsor of Cedilla Day at the local middle school.


Feedback welcome -- for a fee.















Pass it along and remember, It's all (c)opyrighted(c)2013(c)(c)

10 Reasons Why I Qualify As a Hunger Games Super-fan

I am a fan of 'The Hunger Games' trilogy by Suzanne Collins, my favorite Young Adult series since Harry Potter.

So naturally when I learned about a Hunger Games contest, I was all over it like a (SPOILER ALERT!) tracker-jacker on a tribute.

Contestants must submit 10 reasons why they are a Hunger Games super-fan. Look, the fine print reveals this is a sweepstakes, meaning submissions are entered into a random drawing for the Grand Prize of $1,000 and Autographed Copies of the Series Blah Blah Blah. So the actual content is actually irrelevant, extraneous.

May the odds be ever in my favor!

Look, I wouldn't decline a check for a thousand bucks. However for me the real jackpot lies in blog fodder potential, and this contest scores high on the fodder-o-meter.

10 Reasons Why I Qualify As a Hunger Games Super-fan

10. I am hungry, I like to play games, and I think fans are super.

 9. Katniss is my favorite aquatic tuber vegetable, and Peeta is my favorite bread (except I spell it p-i-t-a).

 8.  I did a high school project on that Gregory Peck movie 'To Kill A Mockingjay.'

 7.  I think Liam Hemsworth is super way hotter than Robert Pattinson.

 6. I like how Woody Harrelson was a bartender in the Tv show 'Cheers' and now (SPOILER ALERT!) he's an alcoholic in 'The Hunger Games' movie.

 5. I've re-read the first book about a hundred times trying to figure out (SPOILER ALERT!) how Clove knew that Katniss and Rhue were allies.

4. I prepared, recreated, and compiled a cookbook of all of the food shown in the train dining car movie scene. Then I did the same for arena food.

3. To understand some of what victors went through I purposely infected myself with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

2. Sometimes I've felt like volunteering my own kids for the Games.



And the No. 1 Reason Why I Qualify As a Hunger Games Superfan:

1. It's easier to cook some squirrels and tubers than a batch of rainbow crystal meth, which is what 'Breaking Bad' super-fans are doing.


Look, cut me a break here. I bet David Letterman has a writer apiece dedicated to each number of his top 10 lists, whereas I have to create all 10 myself.

Anyway, if devoting an entire blog post to 'The Hunger Games' doesn't qualify me for super-fan status then I dunno what else I gotta do.


... Anyway, sorry but I'm not providing a link to the contest. May the odds be ever in my favor. In fact, the link seems to have disappeared, so don't even bother searching. The contest is probably closed by now anyway. So forget I ever mentioned it. I'm actually thinking of deleting this entire post. Maybe. Later.





















Pass it along and remember, It's all (c)opyrighted (c)2013(c)(c)

The Bounty

 If I look through that peephole, will I see a family of bugs inside, just getting ready to sit down to breakfast in their newly renovated, open-concept condomato?

Look, I have been waiting for months for Big Boy and Better Boy to ripen. Insert visions of fresh salsa, salads, BLTs, bruscetta, sauce, bisque, focaccia, ratatouille, relish, etc. etc. I had plans for every tomato a week before I picked it. But every one I picked offered an unappetizing surprise on its unseen side:

Last week I finally spotted the culprit: A big, fat, green caterpillar. I should have destroyed it immediately, but instead I hesitated. Look, it was as big as my index finger and I was unarmed. That was three tomatoes ago so to extrapolate it's probably camouflaged as a cucumber by now.

So I've put a bounty on its head -- $10 and a bagful of cucumbers for anyone who can find and destroy that low-down varmint who dares to mess with my Boys.

Our suspect is green, with a fake eye at one end so beware because at first you don't know whether it's coming or going.

Good luck!




UPDATE, two days later:

I knew once I mentioned the word 'bounty' that Husband and No. 2 Son would be on board. Armed with cutlasses (Ok they were chopsticks), the two of them managed to locate, subdue, and incarcerate the alleged perpetrator. They said suspect died trying to escape during interrogation. There were no other witnesses.

Suspect's morgue shot

Look, Husband and Son were only trying to learn whether suspect had cohorts or was operating alone. They also claim suspect was already under attack by unidentified white thingies, which preliminary intel indicates are members of a rival gang operating off its home turf.

Whew!



Anyway, I'm just hoping Big Boy and Better Boy can fend off further attack. I'm sick of feeling like a loser buying tomatoes at the supermarket in September.



Gotta go cough up 10 bucks ..... Two fives ... cough cough ....















Pass it along and remember, It's all (c)opyrighted(c)2013(c)(c)

The Butt of Roof Jokes

While it is true that we need a new roof, my coming down with a case of shingles hardly qualifies as part of the solution.

I can now testify that shingles are literally a pain in the butt, because that's where I have them:

Somewhere on my butt. Do you know how hard it is to take a pic of your own butt? One that's in focus, I mean??

Shiver me shingles!

Evidently the virus decided to follow my sciatic nerve, hence the embarrassing location. And no, you cannot catch the shingles by reading a blog about them. Which alas does not eliminate the voice in my head shouting 'Unclean! Unclean!' like someone from the movie 'Ben Hur.' Or was it 'A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum'?

Anyway, if you suddenly find yourself scratching all over, remember that the shingles usually attack only one side of the body.

Look, I wasn't expecting to contract shingles even though I had chicken pox as a child. Even though I am reaching that milestone age when the virus often decides to stage a comeback. Even though my stress levels may have been elevated. (Even though I read somewhere that shingles are often associated with stress, but evidence of a connection is not conclusive.)

Look, I have muted many a Tv commercial hawking some anti-shingle product, which is why I expected the pain to make me eligible for some emergency pain-killer meds. Unfortunately though, my pain level isn't high enough to qualify for the really good stuff. Ok, this one shingle occasionally feels like a nickel-sized drop of acid eating its way through my skin, but it always backs off before I can even find the doctor's phone number on call log.

So I am taking a course of a Famvir generic which has the unusual, unfortunate side effect of making me crack bad jokes about the virus. In fact, most of my discomfort derives from the itching, which can be treated with oatmeal preparations and Claritin.

So here I am itchin' 'n' bitchin' my way through this totally new but unwelcome experience. Fortunately after a few days of meds, some of the welts have faded even though the pain and itching emanating from them mysteriously have not.

I have also discovered one positive: The shingle on my ankle can predict the weather -- like those fuzzy cards that turned from pink to blue. In this case, purple means rain, while a pale pink and scabby appearance predicts fair and dry weather.

Your experience may differ.

Bottom line, I'll get through this. It's possible my immune system is giving me a warning, so I vow to aim for healthy choices from now on.

You should too.  Also -- check out the vaccine.


Time for more meds  ...  I should also go close the windows -- ankle shingle is purple.



http://www.mayoclinic.org/shingles/















Pass it on and remember, It's all (c)opyrighted(c)2013(c)(c)

List of Top 10 Uses for a Bumper Crop of Cucumbers

Find the hidden cucumbers.

Look, I like zucchini, but evidently I am the only gardener on the East Coast who can't grow it.

Therefore, we planted a variety of cucumber called Dasher last year, and boy did it live up to its name. Dasher ran circles around the chicken-wire fencing of our modest raised beds, producing tasty, good-looking vegetables long into October.

So naturally we bought two this year, labeled Dasher 2  -- Child of Dasher, I guess. Dasher sure would be proud of its progeny.

... Imagine the crisp, crunchy, hydrating, flavorful cucumber, multiplied by hundreds. You can marinate them, freeze them, pickle and can them, make relish and sandwiches, and carve them into little containers. You can peel them, slice them, make masks and water, turn them into wine, dip them in chocolate, and put them on a stick. The only limitation of cucumis sativus is you can't really cook 'em  (Schalgurkin notwithstanding).

Word Problem of the Day: If Pat's garden measures 6x8 ft., and two Dasher 2 vines have circled the perimeter once producing one cucumber every 10 inches, then how is Pat gonna get out of all of the above-mentioned, time-and-labor-intensive ways of preparing cucumbers?

Extra Credit: Discuss whether last year's policy of forbidding guests to leave the house without a cucumber violated constitutional rights.

Look, I'm tired of thinking up excuses for why I'm too lazy to slice and dice all day long. So the solution to the above Word Problem is: By coming up with some alternative uses.

So here's the Top 10 List of Alternative Uses for Excess Cucumbers (SPOILER ALERT: If you are looking for penis jokes, forget it! This blog is all about challenges!):


                               Top 10 List of Alternative Uses for Excess Cucumbers


     10.  Gherkin size makes stylish edible earrings, necklaces, and bracelets.

      9.   Contest: How many cucumbers in this truckload? Grand Prize: A truckload of cucumbers.

      8.   Possom bait. Now that's something you can cook.

      7.   Bob for cucumbers at Labor Day party.

      6.   'Project Runway' challenge fodder.
       
      5.  Make them into lamps.

      4.  This is harder than I expected, gotta waste one number.

      3.  Must-have personal security weapon for dieting women.

      2.  New game sensation: 'Cool As a Cucumber or In a Pickle?' Rules are similar to the card game Hearts, and the player with the most cucumbers loses. Also, the rules clearly state I personally am exempt from losing.


And The No. 1 Alternative Use for Excess Cucumbers:


      1.  New global monetary standard: CukeCoin. DasherDollars too!




Anyone who wants to add to this list wins a free cucumber!



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cucumber

http://www.bonappetit.com/recipes/2011/07/mango-cucumber-wine-cooler

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/cucumber-nut-bread/













Pass it along and remember, It's all (c)opyrighted(c)2013(c)(c)

Deconstructing the Statue of Liberty (Not Literally)

After being closed due to Hurricane Sandy, the Statue of Liberty reopens today.

Some years ago Husband was flying into New York from the West coast. Seated nearby was a young businesswoman traveling with some colleagues. As the plane neared Manhattan, the woman, having never visited NYC, became excited as her more seasoned traveling companions pointed out famous landmarks below. At one point, looking down, she exclaimed, 'Omigod, is that the Statue of Liberty?' One colleague, who had tired of the chatter, replied, 'Well, is it a big green lady with a torch?'

... 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free ....' 

Emma Lazarus' 1883 poem 'The New Colossus' was written for a statue fundraiser, while Lady Liberty was inspired by her creator's desire to cement Franco-American relations while revitalizing a sense of liberty in France itself. That's part of what I learned about the birth of this icon from watching Ken Burns' documentary on the Statue of Liberty.

According to the documentary and 'Wickedpedia,' she is modeled after Libertas, Roman goddess of liberty. A remark by French law professor and politician Edouard Rene de Laboulaye in 1865 may have been the inspiration for sculptor Frederic Bartholdi to start this grand-scale project, which cost $250,000 and took almost 20 years to complete.


Although it's been about 50 years since I last visited Liberty Island and the old girl, I have had the pleasure of viewing her from New York and New Jersey many times since. She rivets my attention at every opportunity.

To me she means more than a fancy ideal, since when I deconstruct her I find so much to admire.

First of all, she gazes out at the Atlantic Ocean (facing southeast). I like to look out at the ocean too because it's a good way to de-stress. However if you are a lifeguard you know how hard this is after about 15 minutes. So I give her lots of credit for being so vigilant.

Also, she's wearing a hat. I can relate to that. Ok, it's supposed to be a crown, with seven spikey rays  representing the seven seas and continents blah blah blah. To me, it looks like a visor, which must come in handy when the sun comes up. I also like how comfortably and casually she is dressed. Classic design fashion, right? So she's well dressed and practical too.

Furthermore, she is green, a lovely shade thanks to her oxidized copper skin: Statue of Liberty Green. Look, I bet the Wicked Witch of the West would trade a pair of used ruby slippers for a complexion like Lady Liberty's.

Her torch symbolizes enlightenment; her tablet is inscribed with the date America declared independence. Together they represent something familiar to all females, especially mothers: We always have our hands full too. I hereby congratulate Bartholdi for his insight and choice of torch and tablet instead of purse and water bottle.

Finally, she's holding that torch high above her head. The big green lady with the torch never gets tired. She never puts that beacon down (at least not when anyone is looking). Just like a woman and a mom, right?

So thank you, Frederic Bartholdi, for your precious metal gift to Americans and our great country, and for a role model we can relate to. Thank you, Emma Lazarus, for casting Lady Liberty as a 'Mother of Exiles.'

But most significantly, may she forever remain a gigantic reminder that we must always be watchful of our rights, we must never weary of democracy, and we can never lay down the burden of safeguarding them.





Happy Independence Day, America! Be Safe! 




The National Parks Service FAQs about the Statue of Liberty:
http://www.nps.gov/stli/faqs.htm

'Wikedpedia' link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Statue_of_liberty

Ken Burns' documentary:
http://www.pbs.org/kenburns/statueofliberty/

Emma Lazarus bio and poem 'The New Colossus':
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emma_Lazarus


http://news.yahoo.com/lady-liberty-reopens-july-4--but-ellis-island--damaged-by-sandy--remains-dark-102721667.html

Photo from geekphilosopher.com. Thanks, geekphils!







Pass it along and remember, It's all (c)opyrighted(c)2013(c)(c)

BREAKING NEWS: 'As I Become Digital' Update

After using my new smart phone for almost two months, I just discovered something amazing. No, not the free bird call apps; something even grander, even sweeter to the ears: My phone can talk! My smart phone is not dumb, and I am dumbfounded (and that smarts).

If this is a Helen Keller moment, I'm not sure whether I am Patty Duke or Anne Bancroft, although personally I'd rather be Anne Bancroft.

Or maybe it was more like an Alexander Graham Bell moment -- 'Mr. Watson -- Come here -- I want to see you' -- in which case I would either be Watson or Alexander The Great-great-great-grandfather of smartphones. I dunno, though for some reason I still wanna be Anne Bancroft .....

Anyway, I have christened my phone Iris (Siri backwards). I feel like a proud parent. Iris's first words were: 'The San Antonio Spurs play the Miami Heat at 8 p.m. tonight.' I am impressed that her first utterance was a grammatically correct declarative sentence. Perhaps it's unfair to compare Iris to No. 1 Son, whose first word I believe was 'Noooooooooo!'

Anyway, like any parent, I am already concerned that my phone might not be as developmentally advanced as yours. Already I am noticing that Iris' vocabulary and cognitive skills are not quite on par with Siri's.

I don't want to play favorites, I just want Iris to reach her full potential while nailing every random question I ask the first time I ask it.

In fact, I'm looking forward to some one-on-one vocabulary and listening comprehension sessions with Iris, which will give me plenty of opportunities to yell, 'Quiet on the set!' which is serious fun. Also reading to her, coaxing some more words out of her, discouraging backtalk etc. Gotta get'em while their young. While Siri is asleep.


http://prgasdaska.blogspot.com/2013/04/as-i-become-digital.html













Pass it on and remember, It's all (c)opyrighted(c)2013(c)(c)

'Dad, Whacha Doin'?'

Even at 85, my Dad is hard to keep up with. On a recent visit, he helped replace a car window motor, clean out the car, install a towel rack, and generally keep things tidy. This is in addition to two walks a day which doesn't include the two-hour visit to the Higgins Armory Museum.

When he's at home I know Dad's always down on his hands and knee replacements whenever the dishwasher or fridge or whatever goes on the fritz. Trust him also to be lending a helping hand to the groups and organizations he belongs to.

I'm not surprised, considering one weekend ritual of my childhood:

-- 'Dad, whacha doin'?'

-- 'I'm painting the trim.'

-- 'Dad, whacha doin'?'

-- 'I'm cleaning the lawn mower blade.'

-- 'Dad, whacha doin'?'

-- 'I'm replacing this window.'

-- 'Dad, whacha doin'?'

-- 'I'm cutting back this tree.'

-- 'Dad, whacha doin'?'

-- 'I'm sanding this chair.'

-- 'Dad, whacha doin'?'

-- 'I'm changing the oil.'



Sometimes, like when the chore involved paint, I volunteered to help, and he'd say, Ok. Given my short attention span I probably wandered off after about 10 minutes. I remember thinking how being a Dad didn't seem like much fun.

I can appreciate now how lucky I was to have my Dad. Of course I took it for granted! I'm not sure how much fun it was for him to have a young daughter pestering him with stupid questions while he was trying to measure a two-by-four or clamp a chair leg on a vise grip.

But looking at his answers to my questions above, I realize I've painted, sanded, and changed the oil over the years -- everything except replacing windows. And it's not so bad! I guess those 10 minutes underfoot added up over the years into something useful -- and memorable.

Thanks, Dad!

Happy Father's Day, Dad! Whacha Doin'?




http://higgins.org/

Pass it along and remember, It's all (c)opyrighted(c)2013(c)(c)

14,440 and Counting ....

Ok, so this pic has absolutely nothing to do with the post. I just wanted to add some color and show off our rhododendrons.

It's possible that in 40 years of cooking, I've gotten a teeeensy bit bored.

Last I checked, I have a collection of electric cooking appliances which rivals the Small Appliances aisle at Target. It includes an egg cooker, rice cooker, fryer, wok, cupcake maker, bread machine, crock pot, coffee maker, coffee grinder, toaster oven, microwave oven, food processor, electric mixer, stick mixer, blender, waffle iron, cookie press, apple peeler-corer-slicer, and juicer. That's not even counting random units (yogurt maker, popcorn popper, peanut butter maker) which are buried and half-forgotten in the basement, their missing and broken parts appropriately scattered who knows where.

Look, if I've been cooking for 360 days/year for 40 years that means I've prepared meals 14,400 days. And counting. Look, a saute pan and oven get old after 7,201 times.

Look, I don't know what I'd do without my egg cooker, rice cooker, fryer, wok, cupcake maker, bread machine, crock pot, coffee maker, coffee grinder, toaster oven, microwave oven, food processor, electric mixer, stick mixer, blender, waffle iron, cookie press, apple peeler-corer-slicer, and juicer. Maybe lose some weight, I dunno. I use them all the time (well maybe not the waffle maker and apple peeler-corer-slicer. Or cookie press.)

Look, it's just more fun to use an egg cooker, rice cooker, fryer, wok, cupcake maker, bread machine, crock pot, coffee maker, coffee grinder, toaster oven, microwave oven, food processor, electric mixer, stick mixer, blender, waffle iron, cookie press, apple peeler-corer-slicer, and juicer than stand at the stove. 

I would love a panini maker, but where would I put it? I guess I could make room in the Hoosier in the dining room/plant room/project room/kids' closet. For now I use the old-fashioned method: a griddle, paper plate, and tea kettle filled with water.

So how many kitchen appliances do you have? Which is your favorite, the one you couldn't live without?

After the essential coffee maker, my second favorite is the bread machine. The way I see it, if the egg cooker, rice cooker, fryer, wok, cupcake maker, crock pot, coffee maker, coffee grinder, toaster oven, microwave oven, food processor, electric mixer, stick mixer, blender, waffle iron, cookie press, apple peeler-corer-slicer, and juicer all fail me, at least we have good bread, and good bread rescues any meal. Right?

Rounding out the Top 3 is the cupcake maker. Look, you never know when you'll need to whip up a dozen corn muffins or cupcakes in 15 minutes.

Of course this is all made possible by our local electric company which is so reliable we don't even have a generator.

Maybe I should stop by its office with some cupcakes. Also some deviled eggs, rice, stir fry, soup, coffee, toast, waffles, cookies, apple pie, and freshly squeezed orange juice.

Yeah.













Pass it along and remember, It's all (c)opyrighted(c)2013(c)(c)

Pomp & Circumstance: The Dark Side

Having attended a few commencements in my lifetime, I've learned they are each memorable in different, sometimes quirky ways.

One year William Hewlett, co-founder of Hewlitt-Packard and commencement speaker, was practically booed off the stage thanks to a steady downpour that drenched the open-air audience while the poobahs sat comfortable and dry under a canopied platform.

Another year Ted Koppel was almost smacked upside the head by an errant giant beach ball bouncing atop the new graduates.

In a pre-ceremony glitch yesterday, the escalator where the graduates were lining up malfunctioned and blew out the lights. The graduates had to queue up on every other step to prevent an escalator overload. I am trying not to think of this as a metaphor for these grads' career futures since the escalator was going down.

This latest commencement also lived up to previous ones due to the presence of Darth Vader three rows in front of us.

Darth Vader, center; unidentified cameraman on right -- notice the small black-and-white monitor under his left heel, which gave me a partial view of the proceedings. Also, that might be Obi Wan Kenobi in the center foreground, but I'm not sure since he wasn't wearing his hood. Do you see the chancellor speaking at the podium and the big screen projection of him? Me neither.                                                                                                                                                                               

Look, I dunno if Darth Vader had a relative who was graduating or what. Personally I think he'd make a great commencement speaker. Or they could have awarded him an honorary degree. At least if he'd been up on that stage I would have been able to see better.

About 10 minutes into the keynote address I began hoping that Mr. Vader would activate his signature remote death-grip choke-hold on the speaker, who seemed more intent on promoting his book about wire-tapping Whitey Bulger than actually relating to the graduates. That certainly would have spiced things up, right?

Later on I started fantasizing about Mr. Vader unsheathing his light saber and icing the audience members standing in front of me who were obstructing my view even more. Alas I was too intimidated to approach the evil Jedi Knight and ask for a favor. Look, he's really big.

Otherwise, the choir sounded great, the president kept things moving, nobody got tasered or had a medical emergency, and none of the grads flashed the crowd. (What I heard.)

Look, I'm not complaining, we have video. It was truly a proud moment when I finally caught a glimpse of our graduate's collar and heard his name mispronounced by the dean as he received his diploma.  

Look, the important thing is we've got some newly-minted college graduates eager to work.

Upon reflection, maybe I should have asked Darth if he was hiring ....... Nah ... he's really really big ....





http://www.amazon.com/Most-Wanted-Murderous-Protected-ebook/dp/B005HF2WNG








Pass it along and remember, It's all (c)opyrighted(c)2013(c)(c)

The Lamp Lady's Mother's Day

I've had fun with previous Mother's Day posts, but this year I would like to blog about some special mothers who have illuminated my life. Literally. Moreover,  even though three of them are no longer alive, they continue to do so,  thanks to some unique, beautiful lamps I was lucky to inherit.

The Torchiere: Even though this is technically not a piano lamp, we always called it that because its companion was Grandma's Shroeder & Sons baby grand. Its thin fluted pole in no way resembles Grandma physically, but the scooped bowl reminds me of her large, warm heart and generosity.

Grandma was such a skilled cook she had me begging for second helpings of fried green tomatoes when I was five. She raised five children, sending two off to war, and was grandmother to 19. To her, family was most important, and I gained an appreciation of that and the power of patience and a positive attitude, plus I think she passed along her love of mischief to me.

Grandma's torchiere

The Victorian: I call this the boudoir lamp and use it in the bedroom. It comes from my paternal grandmother, my Nana, who passed along her many Victorian treasures to her grandchildren.

Nana was also a fine cook, but I devoured the fine points of grammar she fed me along with the home-made cherry pie. She was a teacher; gentle, persuasive, articulate. She always made each of us feel like her favorite whenever we spent time with her.
 
Growing up in a large, loud household, I always associated Nana's house (and its Victorian decor) with peace and quiet. What my grandparents exemplified. So no matter how chaotic things get here, there's always a cubic square foot on a dresser that gives off light, warmth, and serenity.

Nana's boudoir Victorian

The Hurricane: As bright, colorful, and curvaceous as my dear late mother-in-law, who also had an eye for Victorian. It held a place of honor in her front bay window and glowed with comfort at night. I think she would approve of its new home atop the piano. And how she could bake! I always try to channel her when I'm in the kitchen with a cheesecake or Slovak recipe.

My Mother-in-law's hurricane lamp

The Vine: A kid, her mom and a lamp. The newcomer, but a favorite which appealed to me while I was growing up. Someone gave it to my Mom and Dad when they were married, meaning it's 63 years old. I can't imagine anything made of ceramic surviving that long in my house.

Mom is a caring person and devoted her life to caring for others. Managing our large household was hard, relentless work, but she succeeded while keeping her hopes and standards high. When I think of the thousands of things she has taught me over a lifetime I am almost speechless with admiration (but not quite).

Like the lamp, my mom is resilient, with a bottomless depth of strength as she continues to brighten up our lives today.

I recently spotted this lamp packed away at my Mom's, and she offered it to me, happy to free up some closet space.

Did I mention what a good cook she is?

Thanks again, Mom!

Mom's vine lamp

  




So you can see how fortunate I am. Every day I walk through a house filled with reminders of two generations of strong, loving, talented, skilled women who outlasted wars, the Depression, recessions, disease, childbirth, epidemics and anything else life threw at them -- but also love and legacy. Each of them found a way through hardship to fulfillment. They were survivors. They were the women in my family.

Tonight I will walk leisurely through my house and turn on each of these lights in their honor. Then we will all shine together again.



Happy Mother's Day!
















Pass it along and remember, It's all (c)opyrighted(c)2013(c)(c)

As I Become Digital

Look, no one ever accused me of being an early adapter. I rely on the Rocket Scientist to fulfill that role, as well as for critical updates like when the International Space Station will be flying overhead. Look, did you know that coming in October you will be able to snap photos of yourself from space??


Anyway, I recently upgraded to an Android from a terrific Sony camera with phone attached. That phone was supposed to be smart, but like I said it was a terrific camera. The only apps available were for games or flashlights but unfortunately no games with flashlights. See?? Also, online connection was so slow the battery would be exhausted by the effort and need immediate CPR. Alas there was no app for that.


So now I am putting my new phone through its paces. My favorite feature is its voice-to-text function. I love not having to use a Barbie-sized keyboard. Also, when I talk, I feel like someone is listening. Further, I feel someone (Ok, something) is compelled to listen. When I touch that little microphone I know that I have its full attention. It is actually waiting for my words! It has no choice! This is a new feeling for me after marrying a Rocket Scientist and raising kids. Your experience may differ.

I've also started using the Calendar function, which is a welcome improvement since our paper version keeps falling off the wall and behind a chair where I can just barely not reach.

I also like the weather app, because sometimes it is too much trouble to walk across the room and consult an LED display.

I opened a Twitter account, and my first choice to follow is our municipal electric company. That way, in case our power goes out we can track the trucks' progress. So between that and the photo opps from space, I think I have our world covered.

The hardest part so far is keeping the phone with me at all times. I figure I'll get the hang of it eventually. Hopefully by October.

http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2013-04-25/shooting-in-high-def-from-outer-space-with-urthecast

http://www.firstpost.com/tech/nasa-sends-smartphone-satellites-into-space-to-snap-images-of-earth-721375.html



















Pass it along and remember, It's all (c)opyrighted(c)(c)2013(c)

Walkabout

Looking at Nassau St. through the FitzRandolph Gates, Princeton University. BTW, this is the best photo I have ever taken. I snapped it on the fly with my wonderful Sony fonecam. I love it so much I had it enlarged and even had it made into a jigsaw puzzle. It's been kicking around my Drafts box for awhile so I'm delighted to be able to work it into a post.

We managed to squeeze many activities in our NASCAR-style, holiday weekend tour of two cities, including holiday feast, hoops games, hot tub time, family brunch, walking campus tour, Italian feast, shopping, walking casino tour, another family brunch, more hot tub time, more shopping, and a final birthday dinner.

Whew!



... If your life's journey takes you to Princeton, I highly recommend ditching your car and walking  through town and campus as long as you are carrying enough quarters for the 2.083333 cents per minute meter parking (Hurry!) and are feeling lucky.

(For the parking garages, first upsize your comprehensive vehicle insurance, downsize to a subcompact, and bring a king's ransom but not your firstborn child.)

The Web site walkscore.com rates Princeton's walkability at a respectable 68. (For comparison, New York scores an 85.3, the most walkable city in the nation.) You can check out your own city's walkability factor/explore criteria here:

http://www.walkscore.com/rankings/

When walking in Princeton, be sure to wear comfortable shoes or else be prepared to twist an ankle on the borough's ubiquitous but tree-root-tossed sidewalks. But don't despair if your Jimmy Choo heels break, because you can always buy replacements somewhere on Nassau St.

You must also be careful not to tread on any of the numerous ghosts of famous Princeton residents: John Witherspoon, Richard Stockton, Woodrow Wilson, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Albert Einstein, Paul Robeson, etc. You also don't want to crash into and injure any current celebrity homies such as Joyce Carol Oates, Jeffrey Eugenides, Ben Bernanke, Paul Krugman, Michael Graves, Trey Anastasio (visiting?), etc.

Look, anyone you pass on the street (dead or alive) might be a past or future Nobel or Pulitzer Prize or even Oscar winner. In fact, it may be a bit demoralizing walking around a town where everyone else is doubtless smarter than you (unless you're used to it because you live with a rocket scientist). Still, it may be a town best visited after being recognized for an achievement more impressive than successfully transporting a poppyseed roll across four state lines.

http://www.princetonboro.org/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Princeton,_NJ 

Check out the Traditions section of the Wickedpedia page and this Daily Princetonian link to learn about the legend of the FitzRandolph Gates:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Princeton_University#Traditions

http://www.dailyprincetonian.com/2004/05/14/10570/








... Another city scoring above-average on the walkability scale is Bethlehem, Pa., rating a 60. While its downtown has some steep hills, its historic architecture dating from the 1700s is an ideal excuse for slowing your pace. The city is extending its bike and foot concourse called the South Bethlehem Greenway; plans are to link it with the nearby Saucon Rail Trail.

http://sauconrailtrail.org/

http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/bethlehem/index.ssf/2013/04/south_bethlehem_greenway_to_ex.html

http://www.bethlehem-pa.gov/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bethlehem,_Pennsylvania


I haven't yet traversed the greenway but I can tell you the nearby casino's indoor perimeter is a pretty good track for doing laps after you've lost all your money and are waiting for everyone else to lose theirs too so you can finally return to the hotel and soak in the hot tub again.

I don't know why I bother visiting casinos. Maybe for the free parking. As you know, the only thing I've ever won was my husband's heart. Ok, also two school board elections and a pencil sharpener in second grade, so I've long since used up my winner's quota. And I should definitely never ever gamble in Princeton, right?




Ok, so I started this post intending to write about walkability and ended up rambling. I think that means I should put my feet where my mouth is. Or something. Whatever. You too.

























Pass it along and remember, It's all (c)opyrighted(c)2013(c)(c)

Violence of Silence

Too
Many
Words
Dying to be spoken.

Choke them back,
Burn the tongue tip,
Bury them deep
Where no one will find them.

No exhumations,
No lamentations,
No conjugations,
No translations.

Strip them of meaning,
Purge them from memory.

Poison them,
Strangle them,
Drown them,
Bite them back,
Cut them off,
Crush their hopes.

          Seal all exits.

          Block
          All
          Escape.
         

 

Pass it on and remember, It's all (c)opyrighted(c)2007,2013(c)(c)

Devoted

My mother just hurt her back.

That sucks because now I am forced, forced I tell you, to wing down to the Sunshine State, missing a weekful of temperatures here which may rise all the way into the mid-30s.

While there, I will have to perform exhausting physical labor such as getting some meals together in between outings to the beach, shopping, and museums.

I will have to drag myself out of bed at the crack of 9:00 a.m. If I want a grapefruit for breakfast, I will actually have to step outside and pick one off a tree. The only way I'll get freshly squeezed orange juice is if I pour a glass from the pitcher in the fridge.

I won't have my light box for therapy, so I will have to make do with real sunshine.

I will have to watch helplessly as my body transforms from a prune to a plum and then listen to people go on about how healthy my hair looks and how my skin has a little glow. Sooo tedious.

Furthermore, I will also have to inequitably exchange seven layers of clothing for three or fewer.

I will have to tear myself away from 30 inches of snow here and instead endure lounging in the pool while sipping exotic, paper-umbrella-garnished potions tenderly prepared by someone else.

I will have to trade my snow shovel for a sand shovel.



 Life isn't fair, right?


Nevertheless, my Mom and Dad have both made extraordinary sacrifices for me throughout my life, and I'm willing to step up, give back, and fly down. So even though it hasn't been fun for my Mom recently, at least this gives me the opportunity to reap lots of props for being such a great daughter, which I totally deserve considering all of the above hardships that await me once I arrive.

Meanwhile, I bet my writing this post that's entirely devoted to my Mom will help raise her spirits. My Mama ain't raised no fool, yo.


Gotta go pack, yo ....
 

Pass it on and remember, It's all (c)opyrighted(c)2013(c)(c)

Nemo vs. The Blizzard of '78

Saturday morning

We're still in lockdown here in Massachusetts after The Blizzard of 2013, a.k.a. Nemo, blew in yesterday morning.

At this point reports give Boston over 21 inches of snow and Worcester 28, a new record. Here in Shrewsbury it's hard to say due to all of the drifting. The latest from Boston's WBZ reports 27 inches.

That's enough.

We were fortunate not to sustain any damage or casualties, nor did we lose power. Thank you, Selco!

So far, Governor Deval Patrick has escaped widespread criticism regarding his ban on driving, which has yet to be lifted. In support, I offer this scenario: One young friend, 30 weeks into carrying twins, had an obstetric-related emergency Friday night. Another young friend, who had just returned to town from out of state, was hosting a reunion. The way I see it, the first case was able to get emergency medical treatment because the second event (and others like it) was canceled. In my book, that's the way things should go down.

The latest reports say the driving ban will be lifted at 4 p.m., 24 hours after it was enacted.

Gov. Patrick, like us, was a student in Cambridge when the Blizzard of '78 hit. He remembers classmates cross-country skiing down Mass. Ave. He also remembers the hundreds of vehicles trapped on Route 128, which took a week to dig out, and the scores of people who lost their lives during that epic storm.


I remember digging into the sofa cushions during the BO78 searching for change to go buy milk. We lived in a Somerville triple-decker across the street from a mom-and-pop grocery store and were down to our last quarter and pint of milk before the streets and T were finally reopened.

Mom-and-Pop grocery store on Highland Ave., Somerville, Mass., ground-level brown triple-decker. From Feb. 1978.

I remember hanging out with our ground-floor neighbor, who pointed outside to a six-foot snow pile and said, 'My rent check is under there.' (The mailbox.)

We lived on the top floor of the brown house on the left. That's me having just dug out the mailbox.

It didn't take long for the local dogs to mark their territory -- but I am top dog!

There's a '68 Chevy Nova in there somewhere.

Back to the present. The sun is finally winning its battle against the clouds. Everyone in the hood who has a snow thrower is revving it up, or else thinking about it. I will close with some pics, which I need to go snap.


Thirty seconds later, back from a photo foray:

Suffice to say I'm glad I was shovel ready before opening the back door. I felt like a human groundhog, bundled to the teeth and venturing out into the garage only to retreat in the face of blowing snow.  Also, the tears from my eyes and goop from my nose kept dripping on the camera lens.

Twenty-seven more inches of winter!

By the way, Mom: I mailed you a card Friday morning.











Pass it on and remember, It's all copyrighted(c)2013(c)(c)

Blogging the Superbowl XLVII Ads (Second Half)

... A superficial real time analysis of second-half Superbowl ads, continued from previous post below ....



UPDATE:  I think I just saw a commercial for ex-Senator Scott Brown's pick-up truck. Wait, was that him modeling in the Calvin Klein ad? I heard he had some campaign debts but this is ridiculous.

Century 21 -- Remind me not to invite any real estate agents to any wedding

BlackBerry Guy on Fire -- yes for music, color, unpredictability, element of the unexpected

E-trade baby -- Waaaay past your bedtime. Nighty night.

(Stadium power outage?? Was Beyonce too electrifying? Ok, so now Kaepernick is thinking, at least I'm no longer the biggest screw-up here.)

Subway Februany -- I'm sorry but every time I see Blake Griffin I wanna laugh

Bud Light lucky chair -- Concept getting rickety

Axe shark rescue -- Cute plus it has an astronaut in it. The Rocket Scientist's favorite, naturally.

KIA Forte Robot Model at car show -- Ok

Gilden T-shirt commercial -- You can tiptoe out in the morning, or you can have your favorite T-shirt. Choose wisely.

Pistachio Gangnam Style -- Find the hidden dancing Psy

Lincoln Motor Company and Jimmy Fallon -- Why Jimmy Fallon?

Speed Stick at laundromat -- Some guy's fantasy while matching socks at the Wash 'n' Dry.

Beck's Sapphire -- Great graphics, good music, Rocket Scientist wants to sample it

Budweiser Clydesdale -- Finally! (That horse was a colt when the game started.)

Bermuda -- I don't care how nice your island looks. I've checked it out on Google Earth and I'm terrified of falling off.

Ram truck with Paul Harvey narration -- Beautiful photos, powerful, memorable, great script to work with

KIA Sorrento -- Another space-themed commercial, must be a new record! (Or conspiracy.) Can't go wrong with baby astronauts, right?

Tide Miracle Montana Stain -- Clever

Sodastream -- Cool shots of liter bottles of tonic exploding, glad it's not happening in my kitchen

Mercedes-Benz with Willem Dafoe as Satan and Stones' soundtrack -- Creepy, woooo woooo!

Samsung Galaxy Phone with Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd -- Started out strong, then connection faded.  Odenkirk always adds energy but couldn't quite bail out writer who phoned in last half of script.



Congrats to the Ravens! Wish there were a clear winner for the ads. I'm a bit disappointed; oh well there's always next year ....























Pass it on and remember, It's all (c)opyrighted(c)2013(c)(c)

Blogging the Superbowl XLVII Commercials (First Half)

Superbowl Menu: Skewered Superbowl Ads

... A superficial real time analysis of first-half Superbowl XLVII ads, continued in next post ....



Doritos: Obvious Goat For Sale conclusion

Go Daddy: Too much volume on the slurping kissing sound effects, which might have worked better in the Doritos' goat commercial. Or switch the slurping and crunching sound effects to improve both commercials. Or possibly switch the goat and the geek in the two commercials. Tasteless.

Pepsi Next -- meh, nothing new or smart

Best Buy with Amy Poehler -- smart and funny. Amy, can I borrow that smirk?

Black Crown -- Love the model's dress!

Oreo -- Shhhhhhh! Funny, original, great to see a library in the spotlight

RAV4 -- Still waiting for something to RAV for .....

 Doritos princess -- Looks familiar

Calvin Klein underwear -- Now we're getting somewhere; I counted 50 shades of gray ....

Cars.com -- Mama Wolf had a mean and hungry look, I was hoping she would leap for the saleman's throat. Now THAT'S drama ....

Bud Light -- voodoo 'It's only weird if it works' -- Great idea, not well executed -- slow start did not have me on pins and needles .... Wait, did both Harbaugh brothers just collapse writhing on the sidelines??

GoDaddy -- Big idea -- Ok pretty effective

Milk and The Rock -- Love them both. Help! Come rescue me, Dwayne! Bring the model from the Calvin Klein ad.

Sonata turbo -- yes I can relate to getting stuck behind horses asses

Volkswagon -- Lost in translation (even though it was in English)



(Look, I'm not commenting on movie trailers, because I always want to see every movie after watching its trailer. I'm not reviewing the Tv promos either, because I don't bang crime shows.)



Coke chase  -- Music, scenery, action, showgirls! Grade: A

Subway with Kevin from 'The Office' -- Ok, I missed this; I was heading to the fridge for a Coke

Taco Bell with Seniors acting like teens -- Good job, fun

Sketchers GoRun Shoes -- Meh

Lincoln Car -- I don't Gettysburg it ...



HALFTIME SHOW -- Waiting for the Queen to parachute into the stadium Oh wait, it's got a roof .....

















Pass it on and remember, It's all (copyrighted(c)2013(c)(c)

Top 10 List of Things That Happened in Town While You Have Been Away on Active Duty

This is to our young friends currently serving our great country. You soldiers can jettison any Fear Of Missing Out right at the town line. We're talkin' BOR-ing! Judge for yourselves:


                       Top 10 List of Things That Happened in Town While You Have Been                                                                Away on Active Duty

      10.  The beer shortage abated right after you left.

        9.  Someone gave Silent Ant a new guitar no strings attached. Silent Ant bought a set of strings and attached them.

        8.   Our borderline Borders went bankrupt and moved across the border. So, no more Borders boarding here, maybe because it's so unbearably boring.

        7.  Five Guys opened a new restaurant with Chick-Fil-A called Five Guys And A Chick.

        6.  Skinhead grew a mustache on his chin and a beard on his upper lip.

        5.  Fingers broke the world record for 'f-bombs bursting in air.' Twice.

        4.  Shocky Fox changed his socks, combed his locks. Twice. That rocks.

        3.  Drama Queen was rushed to the hospital with a severe case of FOMO, thereby missing the year's best party.

        2.  Those injured at the above party (which BTW didn't make this list) successfully evaded Drama Queen in the ER.


      And the No. 1 Thing That Happened in Town While You Have Been Away on Active Duty:

        1.   Remember that brown jacket with the broken zipper you were looking for in '09? We found it! And guess what: The zipper isn't broken after all!




Everyone is looking forward to your homecoming so you can stir things up a bit -- but not too much, Ok?


GODSPEED!












Pass it on and remember, It's all (c)opyrighted(c)2013(c)(c) 

I Light Up My Life

I managed to crawl out of my she-cave to open some Christmas presents, cobble together some holiday feasts, and toast the new year. Right about now I am usually ready to return to pillow and blankie in said cozy cave replenished with a new stash of nuts, carbs, and chocolates to last until spring.

However, not this year, thanks to my new light therapy box.

If you've been wondering about the paucity of posts lately it's not because I live a more active glittery social life than you and don't have time. No, I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, which became clear to the household recently after I needed three naps to muster enough energy to brush my teeth and change back into PJs.

For those of you who are SAD skeptics, if you think of it as hibernation it doesn't seem so crazy. Plus, research has found more people have it in northern climates than southern ones. It's real, chickies, but fortunately for us all, therapies exist which can help me.

What I've started is 25 minutes sitting 18 inches away from my light box. Simulating the power of daylight with 10,000 luxes, it is supposed to stimulate the production of chemicals to increase my energy while costing considerably less than a condo in Florida.

My light therapy began only one week ago but already I believe I am experiencing results. I'm blogging, Ok? I barely blogged at all last winter; in comparison I posted a half-dozen times last April. Furthermore, I am already down to one nap a day and only when it's cloudy. Coincidence?? We'll see ....

Meanwhile I decided to enhance my she-cave to make the therapy more holistic. I've got the humidifier running on max, the light box positioned above, plus I've added some tropical plants and a hidden alarm clock that reproduces ocean sounds. It's not exactly a replica of the Sunshine State's unique climatic microcosm, but serves as a decent approximation of the parking lot landscaping at the Fort Myers airport. IMO.

A close-up of my she-cave/ the Fort Myers airport parking lot.

So I'm off to soak up some rays in my fake tropical she-cave paradise while reading about why my adultescent kids won't leave home.

This is what you get when you point a camera at 10,000 luxes.

Upon reflection, I think I'll do a little more research on Florida condos. One bedroom ones. Maybe studios.





Here is a Wickedpedia link for more info on SAD:

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasonal_affective_disorder


I trust the Mayo Clinic site for health advice:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/light-therapy/MY00195


I am a co-coiner of the phrase 'real estate junkie':

realtor.com

I've thought about starting a support group, REJA (Real Estate Junkies Anonymous). Maybe in the spring ....



'Adultescent' reference from Slouching Toward Adulthood: Observations from the Not-So-Empty Nest by Sally Koslow.


 








Pass it along and remember, It's all (c)opyrighted(c)2013(c)(c)