Have Expired License, Will Travel

Ok, that headline is a canard, but how else can I get anyone to open a post about a trip to the Massachusetts Registry of Motor Vehicles?  It's been done to death, right?

But that never stopped me, right? (Yeah, that's what the officer said ....)

In fact, I needed to go there because the Commonwealth no longer sends out Save The Date cards for driver's license renewals. Now, I always viewed them as the anti-birthday card anyway -- they come in the mail at the same time, but YOU write the check to THEM ....  I guess the change saves us taxpayers money, but then you risk oblivious people like myself driving around with an expired license.

... If you want to know who your real friends are, ask them to accompany you to the RMV.  In my case, I gave her several chances to back out, so I know my mom's a keeper .... It also helps if your companion can parallel park, since the county office is downtown and therefore its parking lot's capacity maxes out at six mini-Coopers and a tricycle.

Here's an idea: valet parking at the RMV.

Other than the parking, the office here is probably much like yours, except it's more efficient and more expensive. We are the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. We've been doing stuff like this for almost 400 years, and we're not exactly slow learners (just ask Florida -- but be patient juuuust kidding....).

So you know the drill.  First you stand in what I call the triage line, and the triage staff hand out tickets with an alphanumeric code and approximate waiting time. Each of a dozen counters has a red LED sign which displays the number being served. The lady on my GPS unit also announces them over a speaker. (I wonder if she ever mixes up her two jobs: 'Turn left at counter number eight!')

... This is the type of stuff that runs through YOUR head while you're waiting, right?

... There are two waiting areas: the larger one has rows of wooden chairs, and the smaller has rows of benches which remind me of pews.

Here's an idea: church services at the RMV.

So you bring a friend, your iPod, Kindle, phone, H2O bottle, and there are Tv monitors with some headline news/RMV channel, but what do you do after the first 10 minutes? I forgot to bring any food, so I was reduced to scavenging in my purse. The search ate up 15 minutes, but all I found was an old piece of candy that tasted like lipstick.


Here's an idea: Food court at the RMV.


People-watching wasted another 10. I was amazed at the number of young couples with toddlers and babies, eerily resembling a family outing.

Here's an idea: child-care and pre-school at the RMV.

Mom was surprised by the number of people with tattoos. I was surprised by the number of people without tattoos.


Here's an idea: Tattoo Parlor at the RMV.




I also brought comb and make-up, since I suspected I needed a new photo.  We were headed to the hairdresser straight from the RMV, so my wardrobe and morning toilette straddled the fine line between wanting to look great and not giving a crap. Fortunately, there's no triage line for the Ladies Room, but since I'd eaten my lipstick, five minutes in there was all I could stretch it.

Here's an idea: hair salon at the RMV.




Just when I was starting to feel like Beetlejuice, my number was called. I successfully jump through all of the hoops, they take my picture, print out a temporary license (ironically, my hair looks great) and I am on my way. Total time: 47 minutes. Total cost: $50, only slightly more than a dollar per minute.

See what I mean about efficiency?

Ok, here's the complete proposal: Valet Parking - Church- Food Court - Child-care - Pre-school - Tattoo Parlor - Hair Salon - RMV.

Any other requests?

Wi- Fi? Lending Library? Clothing Boutique (for the photos)? Pawn Shop? Casino and Bar? no that won't work .... How about a used car dealership? State Farm Is There?



You can see the potential here even if you fail the eye test. Plus it would create jobs and raise revenue -- maybe enough to finance mailing out those renewal forms again ....

In lieu of the above, they should at least hand out stickers that say, 'Be Nice To Me Today, I Was At The RMV.'

Although I don't really care so much now that I won't need to return for another decade .... I'm just hoping none of my friends are up for renewal in the meantime ....


... I do too have friends ....







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