That's 'N' as in 'Name'

... Ah, the things people do when they're young and in love ...

... like exchanging a perfectly respectable, suitable, serviceable, two-syllable, Anglo-sounding name (in fact, it's German) for an unfamiliar, unspellable, unpronounceable surname like Gasdaska.

... Rhymes with Alaska and also Nebraska, but if I should askya what my name is -- you don't have a clue ....

Did I think this through? 

'I now mispronounce you husband and wife.' Did I hear that right?

Did I foresee the endless hours on the phone as I struggle to communicate that most basic, most personal of all units of identification -- my name?

'That's G - A - S-as-in-Sam, D-as-in-David - A - S-as-in-Sam - K - A.'


Now I'm aware the military has some official version of 'A-as-in-Alice,' but who has time to learn a new alphabet? I can barely manage the one I use already.


Sometimes I am perversely tempted to jerk around the rep on the other end of the phone line:

'That's G - A - S-as-in-savor, D-as-in-dairy -A - S-as-in-savor - K - A.'

... but that would be counterproductive:

-- 'Thank you for your order, Mrs. Gafbafka.'


... so I guess it could be worse. Gafbafka looks like an open invitation to the CIA to read my mail. I certainly wouldn't want that crew to know how much I spend at IHop ....

Voice recognition software? Fuggedabodit. What emerges as my name brings to mind Marcellus, the Roman charioteer in 'Ben Hur,' after he was trampled by a team of horses .....

... even though pronouncing 'Gasdaska' is deceptively simple once you know that the first 's' is pronounced like a 'z.' Everything else is phonetic, spoken as it is spelled, accent on the second syllable:  Gaz-DAS-ka.

Many people simply skip over that first 's'  as though it were silent. Why is that? Is there some rule about a silent 's' that I don't know about? Is this some sort of conspiracy? ... Or maybe folks just don't know how to deal with that first 's,' so they ignore it hoping it will go away ....


Carl Yastrzemski, Zbigniew Brzezinski ... you know what I'm talking about.


... After 31 years, I should be accustomed to it, right?


I had cards printed up once so I wouldn't have to spell my name in public. But I felt a bit weird giving them out; I probably have 996 left, and the phone number is ancient ....


... Yet I wouldn't dream of changing a family name, which in Husband's case bespeaks of a proud tradition in the old country of Slovakia. According to legend, his grandfather made a daring journey at age 16 across the Slovak border, eventually escaping to the U.S. so as to avoid being an unwilling participant in the dreams and ambitions of the Austrian empire.

Ok, he was a draft dodger ....


(... Although personally, I never believed that story. I am convinced Gramps was encouraged by his mother to seek his fortune in America because he was really stubborn and never picked up after himself around the house ....)



Someone once suggested using an anagram of our name.  My favorite is Aaassdkg. Look, I'd get to be first a lot -- but we're still dealing with the same pesky consonants.

Someone else advised converting it into its English translation, which according to Husband, is 'village rocket scientist.'

'That's V-as-in-very ....'






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